Ummi's ramblings, but sincerely written.

Kinda scary eh....but dont get me wrong. i am not scared of things or what but scared if  i fail to fulfil my life meaningfully. if i do not contribute enough, if i do not give my very best in life and at the end, i will leave without anything worth remembering.

The story of Allahyarham Muhammad Ammar, a Malaysian student who studied in Turkey and suddenly passed away at a very tender age of 20 made me shiver in mixed feelings: i salute him for being so brave, so giving, so selfless in the name of jihad. His contributions, sacrifice and commitment in promoting the beauty of Islam led me to such an embarrassing thought; for i am almost 50, yet i realise that i did not contribute enough, what i am doing are just routine, and routine, day in, day out, leading a mundane life, never steer away from the norms...maybe i am too scared to try anything new, maybe i like to procrastinate, maybe the easy life i am leading make me too complacent, too contented that this is my life, and what i am doing is enough.

How wrong.......

Then again, i start thinking, jihad can be done in many ways. Like what Along said: studying with the intention of getting the blessing of Allah, of giving back to community is also jihad....which makes me think, well....raising children sincerely, making sure they grow up to be responsible, successful people are also jihad, no? my children are my weapons, they are my soldiers, they will be among those who would sacrifice in the name of Allah, so, why dont i make the best of them?.....

I must offer my might in making sure they will be the path leaders, those who never weaver in making sure that only those who are sincere will get the blessing of Allah.....well i am not perfect, i am not very well-versed in religion, but i strongly believe, i can do, in my own way, for only Allah Knows what is the Best. i am not perfect, i make mistakes, i falter in many ways, but i will stand up and find ways to counter all the wrongdoings, insyaallah.

A quote from the novel Anthem, written by Hlovate,( ini buku cerita BM but peppered with English terms)about a third-culture child, who changed from the too westernized life into a blessed one gives me a hope that life is not stopping me from changing for the better.......ala promo la pulak. takpe,buku ni best.

Every soul has a past, every soul lives a present, and every soul deserves a future......