sibuk tapi lega

salam along,
umi sekarang dah lega sikit bila ada teh and pak teh kat rumah. depa overhaul rumah tok betul2. banyak yang dah clear n selesa. ummi syukur sangat bila tengok tok pun dah ceria sikit walaupun kaki masih bengkak...dia nampak lega sebab ada anak yang leh tengok siang malam. kalau umi dulu....tak leh sentiasa di rumah tok...macam biskut chipsmore aje.
sekarang tugas umi cuma beli lauk di market setiap pagi , tolong teh sikit2 dan make sure apa saja keperluan mereka dipenuhi. pak teh pun sibuk pebaik kat luar....umi ikut aje apa depa nak,janji depa selesa.
sebenarnya umi percaya bahawa suatu hari mak teh tetap akan pulang ke kampung kerana seumur hidup dia berkahwin, dia memang merantau ...so la ni time dia lak dok kampung. anak2 di Sg Bukoh pon leh bawa diri masing2. Insyaallah hujung minggu ni anak2 dia balik. pak cik pun kata nak balik. hari isnin ni cuti hari buruh so maybe depa leh dok lama sikit.
apapun sekarang umi amat2 bersyukur kerana tokk terjaga, semangat kekeluargaan terjaga .
memang benar Allah itu Maha Penyayang dan Mendengar doa kita...cuma dia nak kita bersabar dulu........
kami dah pakai broadband....leh YM ngan along. nak blog pun senang.he,he,he........

my level best

teh dah 3 hari balik utk jaga mak. abg pun ada. umi tengok depa tak berhenti buat itu ini. teh sure dgn masakan dai. pak teh pun sibuk menukang sana sini. mak wan dan iji akan balik ke sg.buloh hari ini...tinggailah dua2 depa. umi kesian lak tgk pak teh x dah kenderaan nak p masjid. dia kan tok bilal kat surau di sana..so umi pujuk abah beli basikal baru tuk pak teh..leh juga dia kayuh exercise p masjid ujung kampung kita. basikal tok wan dah berkarat..maklumlah tuan punya dah x dak.sapa tak jaga ...jadi besi buruk tepi rumah...aruah tok wan kata basikal tu biar p tang tu...biar tok tengok...la tok pun x leh keluar nak tengok apa lagi.
walaupun tok sakit, mulut dia tetap ok...sibuk pasai buah konen sapa kutip,berapa biji, ada orang nak beli ke?..ayam dia tidur kat mana.nak jadi cerita, banyak pulak anak ayam menetas.so keliling rumah riuh ngan cip cip anak ayam. umi pun tak larat nak halau masuk reban dah...kalau pagi pas subuh, ayam bapa tok siap naik atas bumbung rumah utk berkokok...power punya ayam. macam dia tau x dak sapa nak ligan dia...tok cuma leh diam aje..kalau dulu siap pot pet suruh kami tangkap...sapa nak tangkap.suma takut kat ayam..abahpun dah tak sibuk nak makan ayam kampung..ye la tak dak sapa nak sembelih.nak bawa p market, abah dah segan...
sesekali fikir, bilamana tok dah tak aktif, rumah pun kurang meriah.banyak aktiviti yg x jalan...
pagi tadi umi n akak korek longkang belakang yang penuh ngan air...stagnant water...kudrat kami pompuan takat mana...basah yang lebih.mujur kemarin mak wan dah buat jalan air baru ..leh la air mengalir ke parit rumah pak lang. tapi x banyak mana. sebabnya umi rasa kat depan rumah paip besar dah bocor. itu pasal air sentiasa mengalir.nak harap pak ndak buat report entah bila..tak kan itupun umi nak kena juga...hai.....
kalu pak cik ani balik sure dia tak biar ..dia rajin pasai kemas2 ni. tapi dia x balik nak buat apa.umi cubalah yang terlarat. inipun tiap2 malam sakit belakang.yang penting tok kena bagi selesa...tak leh bagi dia risau pasai rumahtangga.
umi ingat nak beli kerusi roda satu la .leh tolak tok keluar tengok dunia.ni kena discuss ngan abah dulu..la biar abah beli basikal dulu. kekadang umi rasa umi ni dah over push abah tapi kat sapa lagi umi nak minta.cuma abah yang faham masalah umi....
apapun umi tetap bersyukur..Allah Maha Kaya. tentu Dia akan Kurniakan apa yang kita minta.

my 6th child

All this while i have been bz writing about my other 7 children that i unintentionally forgot about my 6th girl, Adik @ Nurul faizah , who is in std 5. well, she is quite often forgotten too as she is smhow covered by others. her days are only filled with school, kafa, and then indon series...when it comes to housework, she knows how to avoid it. maybe coz she has 2 more sisters to take the chore so she is always saved....to an extend that i sometimes neglect her..rarely ask about her studies ...until one day, i did not know that she had a test...maybe coz she is doing find in her studies..so i thought.

However, i fail to realize that she too needs care and attention.just because she is ok does not mean that i must leave her like that. thats is why she is always called ..lazy.. does not want to move a muscle.may be that is her way of showing her resentment for our cold treatment to her.

well, it is very difficult to understand all my children's behaviour but i will know, sooner or later.i just hope they do not have any ill feelings towards me coz i know i love them all just the same. those who do not get all words should be proud as they actually are good in their parents eyes.....am i right??????

syukur..our prayers are answered

I am really thankful to Allah for answering all our prayers. Finally, this morning my sister, brother in law and 2 nephews are back at 6 am..really unbelievable....mom is really happy even though she is still sick..but after drinking barley juice which my sis boiled, the swollen legs become better.
Last nite, i woke up twice at 1 and 4 am after hearing mom coughing non stop. actually mom was having difficulty breathing and she was suffering alone. she did not want to wake me up but syukur i was awaken...i could only help massaging her legs until she fell asleep. at 6 she was already awake, just before sis arrived.
i dont know how long she will be home but at least she is back...that what matters most. i want mom to be surrounded by her children. she deserves that. i am still praying that my brother will return soon...before its too late.
to all who helped praying and asking me to be patient.....thank you very much....i really appreciate that....May Allah bless u all....forever.

worried

tonight i have problem sleeping even in my own house. I still can recall mom's deep stare at us when we left after Maghrib. She looked so fragile, tired and sad. i know she wants to show that she is still strong, but looking at her, it is very obvious that she is very weak. the swollen legs( could be coz of kidney failure) make her movement slow. if the legs are better, she will have breathing problem. if only i could feel what she endures........
i contacted my niece in Sg Buloh telling her about tok. She and her family (my own blood sister) are still contemplating to come or not...giving an excuse that they themselves are having problem. i x care what their problem is. what i want is for them to come and spend some time with my mom...i do not complain that i have to be with her all the time but what i want is for my mom to see her children and grandchildren...for her to be surrounded by her family members...not only me and my children.
i want her to be happy, knowing she is loved and cared....especially now that she is sick...well of course she still has the appetite to eat and to talk(even though sometimes too much).what matters now is for all her children to be with her.
i cannot take excuses anymore...just hop on the bus and come back even for one day...that is enough..take turn showing their face.it that too much for her to ask??
i cannot stand seeing her aloaf like that....deep in her own thoughts, thinking what would happen to her, who will spend the time with her. till now i have yet to see her crying but i know everytime she speaks to my sister or brother in KL, she will cry.....she is actually a very strong-willed mom but when she cries, it means she must be very, very disappointed with her children.
if only i could have to power to bring all home........if only.......GOD HELP ME TO HELP MY MOM...........( i am actually crying......)

tanpa umi

semalam umi spent a nite at tok's..atih ngendeng sekali teman akak...ayish sure la. kat rumah tinggai abah, adik and alin....waktu malam rumah tok very quiet..so umi slept early since ayish dah lelap awai. at 3 woke up, cpasang telinga kot2 tok bangun penat....no sound means good news.
sambung tidur lagi sampai digerak oleh Ayat2 Cinta...dah 6.30. ingat nak call abah kat rumah tapi malas pulak.sure depa dah bangun....sekali bila amik alin kat tadika , dia kata depa bangun pukul 7...itupun sebab alin terjaga dari mimpi kena patuk ular. ait...alin yg 6 tahun pun dah kena patuk ular...ni dangerous ni...mujur dia x tau apa maksud mimpi tu....
at 12.30 abah pi amik akak and atih dari rumah tok...kesian juga kat depa tinggai 2 orang.tok tghhari ni tentu dia lelap sat. tapi umi risau juga tinggai tok sorang2....sat gi at 3.00 umi nak balik dulu tengok tok. ayish tidur lagi so let atih and akak tunggu kat rumah and umi balik kat rumah tok. nanti petang ramai orang datang lawat tok...satgi x dak sapa pulak apa depa kata.
gitulah rutin kehidupan umi selama seminggu dah bercuti. ada 2 minggu lagi and surely it will be the same....umi tak kisah janji umi dapat balik sat cabut rumput and tengok pokok ros umi......

Berkat doa ibu

I was speechless when one day my friend said there was this lecturer who was willing to help me with my masters proposal. never had i dreamt that things would go so smoothly for me as my knowledge about this masters stuff is nil.
Today Dr fauziah from UUM called me asking to see her tomorrow as she wants to discuss my work. there are some changes to be made. i am very happy.....
i trully believe whatever convenience that i have is 100% because of my mom's prayers... i strongly, definitley, absolutely believe her sincere prayers help guiding me all through my life.
there is another shocking news that i will share later...i did not expect to get it but somehow it rolls to me....i am still finding it hard to believe but what my friends said could be true. and again the only reason why i will get it is because Allah answers my mom's prayers.
i am just an ordinary, simple person. whatever i do is because i want to give the best and hope Allah will return the best to me and my family.
My advice to all my children is.....never, ever forget that Allah's blessing stems from your parents' blessing.

cuti2 tak p mana

mulai 17 april umi cuti 3 minggu...nampak gaya cam leh relax tapi sebenarnya lebih letih...ulang-alik p sana p sini mngalahkan PM. sumaa umi jadi; cook, gradener, driver, housekeeper, teacher ...satu aje yg x sempat....shopping....nak kena tunggu gaji dulu. dapat gajipun lum tentu nak leh enjoy as akak is going to start her course at kmk on 11th may....itu suma nak pakai rm...nampak gaya sesi baru nanti umi x leh bergaya lagi ngan baju baru sume kena beli kat akak. tak kan dia nak pakai baju umi lak..nanti orang kata lecturer mana pakai baju umi lak.
la tengah pening gak sebab dok tunggu kak ina kata ain and wani nak balik jaga tok bila akak x da...leh caya ke depa ni.. kalau betul baguslah..umi dah janji nak bagi depa duit. kesian kat ain kena stop keja sbb nak balik kampung. tok marah umi lak sebab tak tentu lagi dah janji rm. umi kata kalau x habar lum tentu depa nak balik...maklumlah ain tgh kerja.
apapun umi prays for the best for all of us...setiap dugaan tentu ada hikmahnya.
at the end of the clouds there is always a silver lining.
kat rumah ni x best sikit as internet slow giler....nak ngantuk2 tunggu dia appear. nantilah umi pasang broadband.abah dok tunggu yes aja.
well, take care. c u soon.

Happy 20th Birthday, Along

Salam,
Abah and umi recall when u were born on 19th April 1989. Umi created history as along was born at home after being sent to AS Hospital and sent back home. Doc said it was still early. u were born 2 weeks early and umi will always remember those moments. Just before Maghrib umi delivered along and after that everybody went down to break fast...not after umi said that" kalau cam ni 5 lagi pun boleh".....even though it was very painful, the moment umi looked at u, umi knew that umi wanted more ...u certainly brought lots of good luck
Now along is already 20 and we all wish along a happy and meaningful birthday...May ALLAH guide u all the way. it is certainly a pleasure having u around and bringing u up as u never created any big problems.
Maybe the births of other 7 siblings deprived along from all the care and attention that along really needs but deep inside our love has never diminished but always blossoms.
Even though we are far apart, just remember that the best gift that we ever had is having u as our first child...... sorry no special present from us....take care dear.

ibumu ibuku

ptg semalam umi balik dgn letihnya. macam2 berlaku di kolej...semuanya confusing.
sampai terus kutip baju yg dah jatuh atas simen..atihpun lewat balik so x dan amik.pastu lipat baju lak sambe mulut pot-pet ....letih ni macam2 keluar.
pas maghrib p pasar malam lak..tok nak nasi ayam. pastu p rumah tok. dia tanya apasal lambat dia dah lapar. terus umi bagi nasi kat tok...kami makan kat situ juga...then tok pangge minta urut kaki dia yg bengkak.angin kata dia. memang nampak berat kaki tok. sambe urut sambe sembang.. dia kata kalau urut lega sikit.....kesian umi kat tok..dia tanya umi nak tidur situ ke. umi kata x leh sebab kalau tidur, pagi abah kena mai amik lak.
so dgn berat hati umi balik. sampai dah 10 lebih, umi dah ngantu. terus paksa alin and ayish tidur.
ntah pukul berapa terjaga, pegang badan ayish panas pulak. dia minta air, umi bagi then tidur2 ayam, kul lima pagi panas lagi terus umi bagi ubat. dia kata sakit kaki, suruh umi bubuh minyak hitam. minyak gamatlah tu....urut sampai terlena. dah pukul 6. bangun masak nasi, goreng ayam and sardin aje kat depa.
bila bangun pagi tu terus saja umi teringat tok. boleh tidur ke? lenguh lagi ke? ntah macam2 lagi.
umi minta pak cik ani balik. mlm tu dia call tok dah nangis....
umi faham perasaan tok. kalau umi leh teringat kat anak2 umi, tntu tok lagi teringat. tambahan dlm usia senja begini tentu lebih banyak ingatan dia.......
gitulah cetusan hati seorang ibu........

Indon oh indon

In my entire life never have i thought that i would be thinking of hiring an indon maid..a lot of infavourable stories have been highlighted in mass media and from those who had the experient keeping them as maids.
however, with whats going on with tok and her children..thats me included, i've been thinking about having one to look after tok. not as a maid but more of a companian because knowing that when akak starts her studies, no one will b around. tok also reluctantly agrees to this last resort idea but deep inside she is not happy with this.
personally, i am also against this as if possible, i x want a stranger to run the house . i want tok to be cared by her children or grandchildren....but is it impossible knowing nobody is willing to do it.
adaka patut... kak ina suruh umi pujuk tok pi dok ngan teh tok di sg.buloh..... tok cannot even make a steady walk to the kitchen what more to go for a long journey....

sesekali...memang betul orang kata ibu seorang leh jaga anak sepuluh tapi anak sepuluh x leh jaga ibu seorang.

then i started thinking about my own future...will my children have the time for me ????????
that remains as an unanswered question until i grow old......

a lesson to learn

yesterday was also a lesson to be learnt. right after work, abah and umi and of course the two young ones went to Ward 5B, AS General Hospital. first, we visited kak eta's daughter, Nabila adik Yot tu, as she was bitten by a snake...pity her. she is very tiny 10 kg and very quiet. kak eta was worried to see nabila look so drowsy..umi said maybe coz by the painkiller given. the swollen foot was ok.

then we proceeded to Ward 3C to see abah's cousin's husband..menantu tok wa yang kat Sala tu. He was in ICU for 2 weeks after an accident. he was in great pain and kept on waving his hand which was tied to the bed. He x speak but looking at how he grimmaced when the wife filled in the milk, umi could feel the pain he was suffering. he tried to hold abah's hand but x words came out .

Looking at sick patients in that hospital reminded me of along...how much umi wants to see along offer ur service to help them. the doctors looked worn out...tired....x smile on their faces...which umi thought did not help in comforting the patients. they should show more empathy to patients but maybe because of fatique, they x do that. if only Malaysia has enough doctors.......

interview

yesterday abah umi akak and alin spent from 7 am to 7 pm at uitm Merbuk as akak had to attend an interview for landscaping architecture course. we left early coz we wanted to arrive on time. umi had to drive coz abah was still tired after arriving from KL at 10 nite.
the interview started at 10.30 am...for sketching..then continued at 3pm. what a long wait. pity alin coz she was not feeling well. she was quiet. luckilly we did not take ayish along. while waiting for akak , we made a quick visit to sg yan...dan makan nasi ayam at mak ngah's house.
after akak finished the whole thing it was already 4.30...we rushed again to see eman at his school. bought ayam goreng for him. eman was very skinny...yg cacak rambut saja...bob was not around.. took part in petanque competition. johan he said and has to compete again this friday.
we arrived home just before maghrib. memang penat giler...
then umi and akak went to fetch ayish and returned to tok's house.as always she was not well.
the night spent was a sleepless one as ayish had a nightmare and tok was complaing of chest pain.
at 6 am, umi bundled ayish and retuned home....my what a tiring day and night....

temuduga uitm

akak got the interview for landscaping architecture uitm dated 11 april 2009 in merbuk. now we are preparing for the interview ; trying to understand the true meaning of landscaping......hope she will get it.
umi lak is busy finding suitable journals for my masters. umi wants to focus on child birth and personality and effects on academic achievement...payah gak ni nak juggle ngan hidup sebagai cikgu, ummi, wife, daughter and others.

give me strength ya ALLAH.

pening sepening-peningnya

Ish pening betui pikiaq siang malam nak cari sapa ganti akak ni. tanya kak liza tak leh...busy, kak ita x leh, jaga mak mentua, ain teh toh x jawab langsung.
otak umi ni sentiasa ligat mencari jalan ........

last last rasanya umi kena behenti keja..tapi sapa nak bagi anak-anak makan lak...gaji abah x seberapa. bil macam-macam kena bayar....

umi doala semoga ada jalan penyelesiaannya....moga -moga ALLAH menemukan sesiapa saja yg sudi jaga tok....semoga hidup tok sentiasa tenang dan terjaga....itu saja harapan umi kerana tok dah lama berkorban untuk semua.

masters topic

now i am back after a week of paper marking in PJ. Now umi is struggling to write a research proposal for Masters program that will start in July. Umi is still trying to find a suitable topic but what umi finds interesting is the study on middle child's personality and academic achievement.
umi plans to focus on Atih as umi finds her character is interesting and quite different from the other 7 children. her mood swings, her easy going yet sometimes complicated attitude leave umi and abah confused..we do not really understand her. umi thinks maybe because Atih is the middle child, so her personality is different.
so, insyaallah umi wants to focus on this topic so that umi will understand her better which later helps umi to deal with her in a more understanding way.

hope umi's plan will materialize.please pray for my success.

....umi pun dah ada Facebook.....join aje....