worried

tonight i have problem sleeping even in my own house. I still can recall mom's deep stare at us when we left after Maghrib. She looked so fragile, tired and sad. i know she wants to show that she is still strong, but looking at her, it is very obvious that she is very weak. the swollen legs( could be coz of kidney failure) make her movement slow. if the legs are better, she will have breathing problem. if only i could feel what she endures........
i contacted my niece in Sg Buloh telling her about tok. She and her family (my own blood sister) are still contemplating to come or not...giving an excuse that they themselves are having problem. i x care what their problem is. what i want is for them to come and spend some time with my mom...i do not complain that i have to be with her all the time but what i want is for my mom to see her children and grandchildren...for her to be surrounded by her family members...not only me and my children.
i want her to be happy, knowing she is loved and cared....especially now that she is sick...well of course she still has the appetite to eat and to talk(even though sometimes too much).what matters now is for all her children to be with her.
i cannot take excuses anymore...just hop on the bus and come back even for one day...that is enough..take turn showing their face.it that too much for her to ask??
i cannot stand seeing her aloaf like that....deep in her own thoughts, thinking what would happen to her, who will spend the time with her. till now i have yet to see her crying but i know everytime she speaks to my sister or brother in KL, she will cry.....she is actually a very strong-willed mom but when she cries, it means she must be very, very disappointed with her children.
if only i could have to power to bring all home........if only.......GOD HELP ME TO HELP MY MOM...........( i am actually crying......)

tanpa umi

semalam umi spent a nite at tok's..atih ngendeng sekali teman akak...ayish sure la. kat rumah tinggai abah, adik and alin....waktu malam rumah tok very quiet..so umi slept early since ayish dah lelap awai. at 3 woke up, cpasang telinga kot2 tok bangun penat....no sound means good news.
sambung tidur lagi sampai digerak oleh Ayat2 Cinta...dah 6.30. ingat nak call abah kat rumah tapi malas pulak.sure depa dah bangun....sekali bila amik alin kat tadika , dia kata depa bangun pukul 7...itupun sebab alin terjaga dari mimpi kena patuk ular. ait...alin yg 6 tahun pun dah kena patuk ular...ni dangerous ni...mujur dia x tau apa maksud mimpi tu....
at 12.30 abah pi amik akak and atih dari rumah tok...kesian juga kat depa tinggai 2 orang.tok tghhari ni tentu dia lelap sat. tapi umi risau juga tinggai tok sorang2....sat gi at 3.00 umi nak balik dulu tengok tok. ayish tidur lagi so let atih and akak tunggu kat rumah and umi balik kat rumah tok. nanti petang ramai orang datang lawat tok...satgi x dak sapa pulak apa depa kata.
gitulah rutin kehidupan umi selama seminggu dah bercuti. ada 2 minggu lagi and surely it will be the same....umi tak kisah janji umi dapat balik sat cabut rumput and tengok pokok ros umi......