last saturday, all muslims started fasting month for this year. it was really hectic for me and my family..today is the third day and we just practise what we did last time....go to bazaar and buy whatever the children want plus food for mom...she is alone so we break fast at her house....imagine nobody comes to find out what she is having, as is she is not there anymore. along takes the responsibility spending the nights and hers and wakes up to prepare predawn breakfast.
i am thankful for that...and at the same time trying to understand WHY none of my brothers or sister make it a point to call or go to see her, asking what she wants to eat and stuff. i just fail to understand .....along said we do what we can and dont think about what others cannot. it will make us angry...i am not angry but rather disappointed to see how my siblings simply shirk their responsibility......mom has done a lot for all of us and it is only right that we see to her needs now that she is very weak.
Yesterday, i arrived late at her house bringing her food at about 7.10 pm and there she was getting ready with her rice and ketayap which she prepared in case i did not go....i was so sorry to see her state...she shouldnot be cooking anymore but she is always like that.......i had to leave her alone and along wanted to break fast with others at home, thus, reluctantly i left her..i had tuition after maghrib so.....the moment i ate the food, i kept thinking about her....if only i could be at 2 places at the same time.
i can imagine how sad it is if the same thing happens to me later...the silence, the quietness of being alone can actually makes people sad...i can almost imagine how much she misses my father.......May Allah give her the strength to sail through this fasting month.
sometimes i think, i do not want to meet my sister and brother if they come home for hariraya. i want to be far away from them....i am scared if i cannot control my emotion, thus say the most unbecoming things to them...if only they can understand how i feel now......
