This is my second week spending nites at my mom's for 4 nites a week and this has taken its toll on me. I really don't mind doing it, but it seems that my body tires easily now, so much so that my students can detect it, looking at my fatigue complexion, my slow movement and all signs of tiredness....
Sometimes, at work, i feel so sleepy that i doze off after solat zohor. How to avoid this. i sleep early and rise also early. Maybe i dont get enough rest as ,as early as 5.30 i already leave my mom's and arrive home 10 minutes later,then rush to the kitchen and prepare whatever simple breakfast and lunch for family. The same goes when i arrive at 5.45 every evening. Not a moment spared for rest, immediately i start doing the cleaning, cooking for dinner and then, after Maghrib, i am already on the road. well, i can go a bit late, but thinking about my mom waiting for laksa or nasi ayam for dinner, i just cannot wait anymore. the older she is, the faster she gets hungry and waiting is not her feast anymore. Pity her. However, doing this leads to me neglecting my family. my children eat on their own with abah, and i rarely get the chance to sit and see them doing homework. Luckily, nobody complains but silence does not mean acceptance . So here i am, caught between the two responsibilities, both must be met, both need my attention and i am getting nowhere near meeting satisfaction.
Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining, but i am just tired. My nasal voice has been persisting irritating for 3 weeks and medication does not help. i am getting more sengau each day....whats wrong? My knees wobble, my ankle and feet in constant pain, my wisdom in shambles.........
Looking at my pale mother breaks my heart every morning when i have to leave her, knowing she will be alone until nite and i can understand her loneliness, her quiet quest for company. The house compound is also breeding lalangs and long grass, and the banana trees are an ugly sight, with the dried leaves hanging unwillingly.but i just dont have the energy to do the clearing. Waiting for others to come and help is also a frustrating hope as i dont like to impose on people, even though they are my family members.
God help me.......Please guide me to be among those who are patient,Amin.
1 comment:
don't worry mom.. Allah SWT always with U.. u doing ur role perfectly... we as ur children , understand ur circumstances, as a mother and also as a daughter, so don't worry, we'll not blame u, in fact, we are the one who need to be blamed as we can't stay by ur side to help u.. may Allah SWT bless my mother till the end.. love u mom :D
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